Not To Be Like That

I always wanted not to be like that—

To carve my shape from shadows cast.

It felt unfair, a cruel design,

A burden placed, but never mine.

It took so long to forge this change,

To fight what seemed so prearranged.

When it rose in me, unbidden, unseen,

I hunted it down, destroying the seed.

Painful was the war I fought,

A battle within, with every thought.

To be not like that—a vow I made,

To silence echoes I didn’t create.

And yet, when you simply said I was,

It shattered me like glass, because—

I trusted you with my quiet pain,

I thought you'd see, not judge the same.

I never spoke this to anyone else,

This hidden hurt, this part of myself.

I thought you’d hear my heart’s soft plea,

To see the work it took to be free.

I thought I could face my mirrored soul,

The spiritual half that made me whole.

A reflection that would never break,

Or whisper words that hearts forsake.

But here I stand, misunderstood,

The way I tried, the way I would.

I always wanted not to be like that,

But your words fall heavy, and I collapse.

It is not your fault, 

it came so casually from your vault. 

Anyone in your place would have said the same, mate.

You are not exceptional it is my fate

Still, I rise to fight unseen,

To change the parts where I have been.

For I will not give up the dream

To be a self both true and clean.

Sikaran 

16.12.24

37.5 degree celsius.